Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Randomize
