would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
