my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Randomize
