I could make wine with my vomit
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
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