people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
