it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
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