It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
