new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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