I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Fuck me I smell like cheese
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize
