Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
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