You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Randomize
