You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
