Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
