I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
