Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I wear drunk well.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
