I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I'm way too hungover for life right now
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
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