I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
Can Purell be used as lube?
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
