it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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