I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
