hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Randomize
