if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
