took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Randomize
