Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
hotel room ftw
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
