I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
