something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
