worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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