your parents love me but you hate me
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
