her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
