She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
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