I am puke
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
