I feel like I'm in dance class right now
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
