If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Randomize
