Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Randomize
