the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
