The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Also, beer. Big fan.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Randomize
