That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
