I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
