So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize