You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
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