i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
what day is it and did you see me today?
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
