Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
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