I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
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