hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
