he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Randomize
