I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
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