then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
