I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Randomize
