The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
