I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
