quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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