In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
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