Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
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