we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
