too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
