Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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