I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
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