so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Randomize
