Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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