Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
