Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
Randomize
