she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
