I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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