I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
