my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
