I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
